Should I Sleep With Him on the First Date?

Just something entertaining I wrote a few months ago. Does anyone else relate to the naive paranoia I express in this journal? :P

I don't want to come off as being easy.

Guys are horny. They need to have sex. I shouldn't worry about him running away if I don't put out. Chances are, if I leave him on my doorstep with a seductive but brief kiss, he'll be back for more.

Unless that makes him think I'm not interested. What if he thinks I'm a hyper-religious goody two shoes who is waiting until she's married to have sex?

Or what if he just goes somewhere else for sex? He's gorgeous, I'm sure he can get anyone he wants on her back.

No. Hush. You're gorgeous. He can't find anyone as pretty and attractive as you. But you never know. Men are horny. If it gets bad they'll probably fuck anything that's of age and willing.

But he's not like that. He's a good guy. He'd never do anything like that. Would he?

Perhaps I should send some seductive texts in preparation. But if I get attached to the idea of having sex with him, and his texts back express indifference or disinterest, I'll be tempted to push it. Which will probably make him more hesitant to sleep with me than he was before. I don't think I have the self-discipline to cut myself off if he's not interested.

Scratch the seductive texts. I want him to do the pursuing anyway.

But I'm the one who sent him multiple texts asking him to call me when he's in town. And he did call me, eventually. So that means he's interested too. Or does it just mean he's being nice and doesn't want me to find out he was here and didn't call?

I should text him and ask him if he wants to see me or if he's only being nice.

No! I don't want to sound obsessive and neurotic.

Screw chivalry. Don't they all say its dead anyway? Men never do the pursuing anymore. Women have to do the work to get what they want. There are no men who will pursue anymore. Or if there are, its been a while since I ran into one.

Do I even want a man who's not man enough to pursue me? I'll probably grow gray hair while I wait for a half-decent man to ask me out.

I think its safe to say, chivalry is already dead in this situation.